Monday, April 30, 2012

Umbrella locked in chains (working title)

(playing with reflections onto myself by a third party.)

You first saw her walking in the rain
deep blue umbrella floating overhead
while the copper tinged brown hair
whipped in her face, black peacoat
adding to the solemn expression, pursed
lips. But you only noticed her eyes
when she glanced above, the brown
irises touched with green. Skinny
jeans marred by the line of pearls,
the chain tugging along a globe
filled with heads and names,
colors swirling as emotions roared.
She was known as the heartbreaker,
torn at the seams every time she let herself go.
But you knew she was different,
nothing was as it seemed as the fog
gathered at her ankles, a delicate hand
disappearing under her coat, a katana
silver glistening as it kissed the chain,
snapping it as the pearls tumbled and fell
into the flood of the crashing river below.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Hit the Town

A drop of foundation
smeared on
cover up the bumps
and the bruises.

A swipe of blush
hide the black
mask the droplets.

A hint of shadow
no more swollen
pink eyes.

A dash of mascara
left to allure
make awake.

A final poof of powder
pull the strap behind
play hide and seek.

Go to a masquerade
swirling dresses
only to get lost
in the crowd.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

The Door

The door means freedom.
But it's so far away.
I watch as one dark jacketed
boy leaves
I am stuck in this room,
however big, but stale.
The air feels moldy.
I only wish to seek the stars
and to let the midnight chill
graze over my skin.
I'm tired, yawning
I am not a student of
philosophy or
science.
Yet I yearn for nature.
I am jealous of the boy
I am trapped,
held with chains
against my will.
I only wish to seek the stars.
as i wake i realize its a beautiful new day and it feels good

Monday, April 23, 2012

that chill of the night sky the breeze reminds me to clear my mind breathe and float away.

Stepping In

The river looked quiet, safe.
It's gentle ripples of water ran down the middle,
pebbles lay still along the banks.
It called to me, beckoned for me to come near
and drink from its waves, but I dared not.

Instead, I rolled up my jeans, threw off my shoes,
and dipped in a toe.
The icy chill hit me first, but it soon settled,
numbed my foot to its core.

But it was not done with me.
Still it beckoned, urged.
So I slipped off my t-shirt,
letting my legs take me deeper into its waters.

The waves quickened.
This was not the life I'd imagined.
They pushed around me,
I lost feeling in my legs.
No longer had I control,
I was the river's sacrifice.

Further I went down into the river.
Legs, tummy, breasts, all emerged in
its freezing control.
I could no longer fight it.
I couldn't plan where the river would take me
or when or how or why.

So I let go.

I let my toes leave the rocks beneath.
Let the now crashing waves take me away,
float down the river
however it pleases.

weather is a mysterious thing. it knows exactly how im feeling.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Just a Time

I have a weird habit of screwing up.
I cry when I shouldn't.
I attach meanings to things that weren't meant to be.
I'm clingy, dependent and can't be left alone sometimes.
I'm just a royal mess.

What I don't get
is when I want to change and no one believes.
No one thinks I can try and change.
No matter the fact that it's for who I love.
Why am I not given a shot?

I'm hormonal. I'm a girl.
Yes I cry when I shouldn't
but because I used to never cry.
It's scary the day you wake up and realize
it's hard to control your own body when it's overcome
with shakes and night terrors.

I want to try.
I want to fix what I have wrong.
Help me, don't throw me in the corner
or turn your back to me when you've given up the fight.

We're in this for the long haul.
Let's figure it out.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

on the outside im beautiful. ive got all i want. but inside...a maze. a pile of dirty clothes. lost. frustrated with myself. bird in the sky. how do you do it?