Electric Fire

It roars, flames alight with majesty
a flicker of gold streaking across eyes,
motion unrestricted, unchained,
refusing to be dampered by the misty
fog. It stomps on the slate,
a skinny stiletto proving a point,
crinkles along with the hair spray
from an aerosol bottle, sparkles
like the glitter tossed on a dance floor.

Try- P!nk

Where there is desire, there's going to be a flame. Where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned. But just because it burns, doesn't mean you're going to die. You've gotta get up and try.

My Year in Review: Bring it on 2013

As it comes to the final month of 2012, I've begun my year in review. I've sat down and really began thinking about how I started 2012 and how I'm ending 2012. This year was a big year for me. I don't feel the same and I shouldn't. I know every year everyone says the same thing, that you've matured and learned your lessons. As cliche as that sounds, it's true.

Over this year, I've learned a lot about myself. I learned how I handle tough situations. I took command by grabbing life by the horns and taking control of my life. I pledged Alpha Phi Omega, which opened up a world of opportunities and friendships that I had not previously really realized I was missing. I have a community and a family.

I successfully finished my final fall semester in college and clutched one of my ultimate goals: semester President's List. I've had some classes just to fill some requirements, but I've had some classes that really inspired me and reminded me why I love writing and why I do what I do.

I've had a pretty successful first semester as Managing Editor of the Informer. We went to Chicago and Seattle (Seattle this past spring) and learned a lot there. I've covered breaking news, including running out from the library at top speed with only my phone to cover a fire in a residential building. I've gotten the juicy details of an intruder who was eating rainbows. Overall, it's exciting and I love it.

And now I'm embarking on new journeys. I'm getting ready to head to New York City for my winter break. I'll be going to Buffalo and Canada for spring break (really got to get on getting that passport!). And I'll be enjoying my final semester at college and graduating with honors. Time truly flies when you're having fun and I plan on making this final semester count.

I can't say what 2013 will bring me. I'm hoping it brings me a job, an apartment and maybe a car! I hope it brings me love and happiness. But what I can say is that I'm ready to take on the new year. Just like 2012, I'm ready to tackle it head on and just deal with whatever comes my way.

My big lesson of 2012

As the year nears to a close, I sat in my room and I kind of figured out what my big lesson was of the year. My big lesson was that I learned to love myself. I learned to love my body, every curve, every freckle, everything.

It was a difficult journey. It's a journey that only so many women can say that they've found. In today's society, we're so beat down with how we should look or how we should dress and the thing is, you have to do what makes you happy. When I get up in the morning and do my makeup and pick out an outfit, it's because it's what I want to wear and how I want to look. I can look in the mirror and say I'm beautiful. I couldn't do that before 2012. I didn't have the same confidence.

Some people in my life really helped me a lot come to this lesson and I thank them from the deepest parts of my heart. You guys know who you are and I cannot thank you enough times.

I never thought that one day I could look in the mirror and say with complete honesty "I feel pretty and I love  me." I like picking out profile pictures. I enjoy sharing my world and my adventures. I don't shy away from cameras anymore. I'm just completely comfortable with myself.

I feel pretty when I'm ready to go out with friends or run to class or even when I throw on yoga pants and a hoodie because I know it's going to be a long day. It doesn't matter if my hair's being an unruly mess that day, I still love every dark brown curl, even as defiant as they can be. I'm ok with being naked, with just being in my own skin. I'm not ashamed of my body. I'm not a skinny twig. I'm not supermodel tall. I'm me and I love it.

I really wish other women could learn this lesson, that they can embrace them. It doesn't matter society. It's doesn't matter your BMI or how big your boobs are or how small your stomach is. What matters is that you're happy and that you know you're beautiful because you are.

Do you want this?

Let me in, heels clicking on the tile,
I know you want to know what's under this coat,
lead me up the stairs, pinch my butt,
tsk tsk we're still in public.
I'll slide a hand in your back pocket,
swing my hips until you open the door.

Let me in, discard those clothes,
unbutton my coat for me, run your hands
down my chest, lips grazing my collarbone,
take my hand and bring me to the bed,
but it's my turn as I straddle you,
skirt rising up leaving bare thighs
holding on tight as my hands travel to your belt.

Let me kiss those lips, run my hands through your hair,
press my body against yours, remind you why I'm here,
you can't stand having a seductive spark on your lap,
you toss me down on the bed, taking control,
making sure I know what a man you are,
and oh do I know.

Feel Again- OneRepublic

It's been a long time coming since I've seen your face
I've been everywhere and back trying to replace everything
that I've had till my feet went numb
Praying like a fool that's been on the run
Heart still beating but it's not working
It's like a million dollar phone that you just can't ring
I reach out trying to love but I feel nothing
Yeah, my heart is numb.

Va Va Voom- Nicki Minaj

Time for some new inspiration

Hey followers! I have great news that I haven't posted here yet. On top of Christmas being my favorite holiday ever, I have a lot to look forward to in the next couple of weeks. First of all, I will be posting an end of the year personal review along with my resolution for the new year. Maybe you'll even get an end of the world poem, though it's slightly cliche, I may have some fun with it.

Also, in one week, I will be moving to NYC! So that means that I'll have all new inspiration for upcoming poems. With city life comes a fast paced world that I completely adore. I'll be hitting the subways, eavesdropping on some funny lines and taking lots of awesome photos to write from.

This coming spring semester, I will be entering my final semester of college and along with that, taking my Advanced Poetry course. If you guys remember last fall when I took Intermediate Poetry, I get a lot of amazing works from the classes and I'm really excited for what I'll be able to achieve in Advanced.

Followers, you're in for one heck of a ride in the upcoming weeks and I can't wait to share it with you!

Fastest Girl in Town- Miranda Lambert

Ain't no use in trying to slow me down 'cause you're running with the fastest girl in town. Ain't you baby? I like 'em crazy. My reputation follows me around, just makes me want to give them more to talk about. Let's go to town for a little while, I'll be wearing nothing but a tattoo and a smile.

It just keeps drivin' me

Every time those bloody words drip out from your mouth
Every time it cuts into my skin, my head bows but only
for a second, it just keeps drivin' me. I pick myself up.
Try and be as mean as you want, slice into my flesh,
but it doesn't matter as it just keeps drivin' me.

I just want to do better, hold my head higher,
slip on those stilettos and show the world exactly who
you cut up. I'll sew my own wounds, clean up the drops
of red scattered around the bathroom sink. You'll find
me looking down from the sky and the spotlight.

I'll hit the city lights, drown in the neon, the sounds
of cabs and the fast life. I don't turn around, refuse
to go back. You go with me, beside me, or else you're
behind me. I laugh as the cuts heal, the scars fade
but don't worry, it just keeps drivin' me forward.

Giddy on Up- Laura Bell Bundy

Love love you let me down, let me down no you won't string me along. You better be moving on. Giddy on up giddy on out.

Ghost

What would it be like to be a ghost?

To watch those that you love
wander the Earth, haunt the ones
who stabbed you in the heart,
to be gone from the world
rid of its misery and shadows.

To not feel the heart beat
inside your chest or the blood
pump through your veins,
not worry about appearance
or presentation or professionalism.

What would it be like to be gone?

It Shatters My Heart

My heart is shattered
to think of the children's smiles
that are no longer.
My heart is destroyed
having known classrooms
and schools, feeling
the pain of the parents
who have to say goodbye
right before Christmas.

My heart is shattered
and my eyes cry the tears.
Schools should be safe,
playgrounds filled with laughter,
gyms with children playing ball
not a bloodshed disaster.

This world is not okay
and my heart will continue
to be shattered, fighting
for an attempt to understand
why someone would do this.

Whiskey Lullaby- Brad Paisley

I promise you guys, I'm not depressed. I'm actually quite happy. Just finding this song really beautiful tonight.

The Wolf Inside

It claws at my heart
eyes flashing copper
teeth bared, tearing
its way through vein.

Black fur patches
a warm cloak blanketing
thirsty for the thick
dark taste of blood.

I can't control it,
the need to run,
the urge to explode
and fight with terror.

It's stronger than the wind,
more fierce than the storm
as my heart beats
from my chest.

I am the wolf,
the alpha female,
the one not to be
tempered with.

Ten Minute Plays

I will be offering ten free reads of my first 10 minute play, Baby Daddy. Those who are interested in a free trial of my plays, can email me at kschroyer5@gmail.com. I will only be taking ten people. After that and once I have a compilation of works, I will be looking to offer the content through Amazon Books or something along those lines. So if you'd like a free glance at my first play, do email me!

The Corner Booth

The blue seats, the silver counter glistening
as you walk me in. Seated in the corner booth
you against the window, menus waiting.
We glance over the menus at each other,
a quick smile as we both order waters.

Heartbeat racing beat by beat yet you
and I are so natural in our element.
You in your Carhartt, me in my boots,
we share a plate of gravy fries,
one of your favorites.

But we pay no attention to the food,
plates don't matter as the conversation
flows, smiles exchanged, you hand
me the keys as you pay the check
as we hop into your gold Chevy Blazer.

Cruising on by, country music
blaring from the speakers,
it's so surreal and so perfect
as your hand rest on the center console,
mine next to it as you take it in yours.

You drive one handed, squeezing
my hand tight, I breathe a happy
sigh of perfection as you pull up
to my apartment. Unbuckling seatbelts
we go for the kiss and the rest
is history.

Blown Away- Carrie Underwood

"Every tear-soaked whiskey memory blown away."

The Market for Pretty Underwear

(This is more of a discussion post than poem.)

When some girls look at Victoria's Secret, they see a store solely built on selling sex. The lace thongs, the pushed up bras and the silky nighties draw in the eye. However, a store like this does not truly exist for the purpose of pleasing men. Yes, the things they sell will get a man going wild, however there is more than meets the eye.

When a girl or woman slips on something lace or something cute, they feel better about themselves. It doesn't matter if they're wearing a sexy little black dress or being a bum in yoga pants and an oversized hoodie. Take my outfit for today for example. I've got on a skinny pair of black yoga pants, tall boots and my big warm purple Alpha Phi Omega hoodie. I'm a bum, but I don't feel like it. I'm confident and pretty and one of those reasons is because under, I've got a sexy little bra and cute underwear. I just feel better about the whole ensemble.

Stores can come across as however they want, but whether they mean it or not, they really do sell more than just sex. Yes, maybe it's a bit convoluted. Maybe the marketing schemes can get a bit extreme with the sex part or it's just convoluted that it takes something like a pair of pretty underwear to make a girl feel good. The important thing is that it does. It helps rebuild a woman's confidence and self esteem when she can look in the mirror and say "I'm beautiful" or "I feel sexy today."

Whispers

She started the whispers
when her lips parted
and out came a cloud
of red and black smoke.

The trail flowed out
of those lips and into ears
dropping a bit here
and a bit there.

The smoke began to disperse
losing its power but sticking
in the ears of where it caught,
jumbled and confused.

She left, her lips taking her
in another direction,
but the cloud still remained
and the whispers lived.

Brothership

I know in a previous post I wrote about my new family, the wonderful Alpha Phi Omega brothers. Well, as of November 11, 2012, I became a full fledged brother! ΑΦΩ is my amazing family and I could not ask for a better senior year. As far as a fall semester goes, this semester has been one of the best.

It's not just the friends and family. It's the excitement, the joy, the will to want to help the community and work together. It's the leadership each person takes on and the values we exemplify. ΑΦΩ is more than just the typical fraternity stereotype. We aren't "buying" friends. We don't just party. We work hard and we do things that matter.

We have pride. We have pride in our organization and our morals. We have pride in the values that our fraternity stands for. When I wear my letters, I wear them proudly because I am more than proud to be in ΑΦΩ.

Concrete Dreams

At night, when I lay down my head, I lay on concrete.
I lay on the strips of white crosswalk, the curbs
of the city. My mind is filled with the magnificance
of towers, small spats of green. Pictures flash
under my closed lids, splatters of blurred
car lights. Ears fill with the sirens of a police
car rushing by, the honks of horns.

In the waking daylight, these dreams exist
as I step off the concrete curb onto the street,
heels clicking on the pavement below.
I look up and I am a dwarf to the skyscrapers.
Hand flies up, flagging a cab and slipping inside.
It may not be all glorious, but it is my life.

I dreamed bigger than just the rolling cascading hills,
the stretches of tobacco fields. I dreamed as high
as the skyscrapers above. I dreamed and I will succeed
my concrete dreams.

City

There's just something about the yellow cabs
the roar of the street, the blink of the crosswalk,
heels clicking on concrete, the neon lights,
people rushing by, subway doors closing,
the strip of sun on the platform, buildings
towering overhead, the smell of car exhaust,
the dart across the street, slipping into
rotating doors, boxes called elevators.

I don't expect them to understand
how I would take the hustle and bustle
over the quiet roll of hills and the dull
cruises across fields and slow drives
to work. It's hard to explain
to people so wrapped up
in their little lives that the city
is where I belong. I belong
among the fashion magazines
and skyscrapers. New York Times
and Wall St. I like the sleepy towns
but under the spotlight is what I love.

You Haven't Seen the Last of Me- Cher

Never count me down and out because you haven't seen the last of me.

All You'll Ever Be is Mean

"Some day I'll be living in a big old city and all you'll ever be is mean." ~Taylor Swift

There really comes a day when you look at some people in your life and all you see is a spirit that you don't quite understand how you were ever their friend. You look at them in the eye and you see something you never really thought possible. But then you realize, you're better than that. You're better than being treated like that. You see people around you fall for those eyes. They just don't see it.

You can't make them see it. You can't make them see the depths of the devil swirling in those irises. Oh, but you know and you can pick yourself up from them, blink and go your own route. You know you'll be happy on your own. You know they won't mean a thing and that, as my mother loves to say, they will get their due.

And they will. I do partly believe in some odd sense of karma. No one is perfect, but those of us with a mean streak lying in our veins stoop to a new level. Sadly, yea you have to watch them go down and you have to watch those dumb enough to fall for those eyes fall down with them. I refuse to be part of it.

I refuse to fall for those eyes and that evil because my life is leading me elsewhere. My God has aided me in seeing the truth of people, that spirit lying beneath the surface, seeing beyond those eyes. Maybe I didn't find out early enough. Maybe I couldn't save some of those that fell for those eyes. But I saved myself and I saved those that will listen and will see it too.

"Some day I'll be big enough so you can't hit me and all you'll ever be is mean."

Bite

He looks at me with those eyes,
steel gray, cold, sending a shiver
up my spine. It is winter.

He stalks me, treading carefully
around my circle, tracing
the line of salt on the floor.

He growls, baring pearl
white teeth, fangs digging
into his lip, claws born.

He leaps for me,
the daggers dig into my neck
breathe is lost.

He leaves me laying
red droplets dripping
from my pale flesh.

Boiling

It starts with the pot of water
sitting so dormant and quiet
on the stove. The heat
begins to build under it,
the stress of the pot
against the grills.

Then it begins to bubble,
tiny little droplets
then large splatters.
The pot is angry
as it pops and crackles.

It splashes out of the pot,
its wave of rage fighting
back, droplets of boiling
H2O landing on your hand.
You know why it pops.

You try and turn off the heat,
take it off the grills, but still
it pops with anger.
You cannot stop it now
it has already begun.

No Easy Button

There is no easy button
like the Staples' commercial.
You can't just push the plastic
and solve world peace
or win the lottery
or find you your soulmate.

It's just not that simple
to feed the world's people
or stitch together a broken heart.
Instead of looking
for the easy button,
try getting off your butt

and get down to work.
Nothing can change
if you don't make it change.

Tug of War

A middle school playground, fields
stretching far out into the grass
splatter of colorful shirts, mismatched
shorts, the little heads bobbing blonde,
brown and red, playing, tugging

at a rope found lost in the grass' dew
coiled and snaked, a rattlesnake's tough
skin. The rainbow scatters, left and right,
end to end of the rope. Soft hands
grasp the roughened twine, ready, set

go as they pull and tug. Some fall, knees
scrapped, hands rip, squeaky sneakers slip
in the mud they dig. The rope goes left,
the rope goes right, an endless war
as they drop one by one, their guards

down. One side finally breaks, a bob
of blonde has fallen. The right side wins.

Titanium/Pavane- Piano Guys with Tyler Ward

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose.
Fire away, fire away.
You shoot me down, but I won't fall.
I am titanium.

Without You- Piano Guys style

Thank you Wesley first of all for showing me this group. They're called the Piano Guys and are completely amazing. I actually got a good chunk of my office loving them!

Spin Me

Take me by the hand
spin me around
around and around
as the Earth spins
under our feet.

Look into my eyes
sweep me off my feet
dip me low
hold me tight
kiss my lips.

Hold the umbrella
as I step from the car
rest your lips
on my neck
bite me slowly.

Truly Madly Deeply- Savage Garden

"I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish. I'll be your fantasy. I'll be your hope. I'll be your love. Be everything that you need. I'll love you more with every breath. Truly, madly, deeply do."

In celebration, happiness and love.

Oct. 7, 2012 <3 p="p">

Musical bars for girls behind bars

Now I know this isn't quite my usual poetry. However, many of my friends know and now, my followers, that this past Tuesday I was invited to visit a prison in CT. It is the maximum security women's prison which holds all the women behind bars in the entire state. The experience that I had personally going there was something that I will always remember and affected me a lot. So here is a link to the article that I wrote (published today, Oct. 4 in the Informer). I hope to spread the word and have others understand exactly what kind of eye opening life changing experience occurred that day.

http://hartfordinformer.com/2012/10/entertainment/musical-bars-for-girls-behind-bars/

This is what happens after a 15 hour work day in the office

This becomes incredibly amusing to a point where I am crying laughing.

Peace

Apostles creed, Our Father, Hail Marys and Glory Be.
There is just something about the calm flooding my system when i feel the beads run through my fingers, counting.
I used to feel it before.
Now I am coming home.
Back to the peace, the love, the calm that He brings me.
For once everything is settled.
Everything is good.
Everything is taken care of.
I have lifted my prayers up high for Him to see so He can lead me, his sheep, Him my Shepard.
I have given up the control and the manipulation and the pressures that society has forced,
that have weakened my body and mind and soul.
For now with Him, I rebuild and I grow in His love.
Forever shall be world without end, Amen.

It only took a strand of rosary beads

Tonight, I was thumbing through my desk drawer looking for something. In the drawer, I found a strand of rosary beads, bright blue and shining. Picking them up, I was flooded with a sense of calm. I made these beads with Sam when we were maybe middle schoolers (possibly younger.) I remember sitting in my den with Sam bending the little pieces of metal and slipping on the beads one afternoon.

And tonight, I found myself in prayer again. For a couple of years now, I have struggled with a battle with my faith. I have not known where I stood. After a very tough summer, I hadn't yet found the calm in prayer because I needed to come upon my faith myself. Tonight, I have. And all I can do is smile and know that He loves me and is watching over me and helping me through the obstacles of life. I have found my peace and faith again and it only took picking up those rosary beads and feeling the faith radiating from them. Thank you all that have helped guide my way.

Who needs men when you have chocolate?

Who needs men when you have chocolate
to munch on and let dissolve in your mouth
as the wave of happiness flows over you.

Who needs men when you have dance
to drown your body in, to move
with the sweet beat and let the lyrics sink in.

Who needs men when you have shopping
to spend a few dollars, swipe some plastic
and slip into something sexy and hot.

Who needs men when you have parties
to flirt in, seduce and not get in trouble
for being with the wrong people.

Who needs men when you have freedom
to wear what you'd like, when you'd like
and not worry about who to impress.

Ok so maybe sometimes you need men
to flirt with and draw attention, to play
with and go along with their game.

Sometimes you need men to cuddle
and kiss, to have a warm body next
to you in bed, maybe sometimes

you need men.

Ode to a Sweater

(Ok it's a Monday and it's time for some fun. And it's the first day of October, this poem is appropriate for fall.)

Big comfy sweater, so green and warm
swirling down my arms, showing off
my collarbone, how perfect you are.

You make me want to frolic
in the leaves, jumping from pile
to pile under the fall sky.

At night, I do not lose you.
Instead I curl up with only you
because you are all I need in this chill.

Big comfy sweater, the color of ocean foam,
don't ever get eaten by the dryer
or lost by the washer. Because I love you
big comfy sweater, so green and warm.

Curls

There is a saying that girls with straight hair
want curly hair and girls with curly hair
want straight hair. And for some reason,
I've always wondered about this need
to change oneself. It's not like it's harm
free. Flat irons and curlers fry your hair.
Although I cannot say I am without guilt,
for some times, I just cannot deal with my curls
but I have learned slowly to love them.

They are playful and flirty, framing my face.
They add to the mischievous glint in my eyes.
I was recently asked if my hair was dyed
because of the copper strands running
through my curls. I proudly answered no
and that I would never because I refuse
to change. If I wish to alter my appearance
I do it for myself. If I want my hair straight
that day, it will be because I wanted it so,
not because someone told me to.

If I wish to wear makeup that day,
it is because I want to, not because I was told
to. So, if I want to leave my curls wild
today, I will because I want them to be free.

If I Fell

If I fell in love with you, would you promise to be true? I have been in love before and found that love was more than holding hands. If I give my heart to you, I must be sure in the very start that you would love me more than her.

Labyrinth of Life

You were only waiting for this moment to be free. Blackbird fly into the light of the dark black night.

Twisting and turning, caught by every thorny corner,
Left, right turns into right, left, a lone branch
scratches and attacks my lovely green sweater,
a tear down my cheek, it is impossible.

I see you in the sky dear Blackbird,
finding the light that I so dearly miss,
I envy you with the deepest part of my soul,
as you hit the stream of air and disappear.

They wanted a revolution before they caught
me and threw me into this garden of destruction.
I gave them what they wanted and now I'm only alone,
done for and scarred with the black patches of fire.

Tiny dove, little spot of white, what do you have in your beak?
What do you carry so gallantly as you surf through the sky?
Is that an olive branch I see? Do you mean to sing a song
of peace? For that's all I wish sometimes. Forgiveness.

It would've been a year

It would've been a year today. It would have been a year of smiling and laughing and goofing around with plenty of love and affection. But no, life goes on and things change. I push it down. I shove it to the back of my mind, but it's still hard. It probably will always be hard. You can't fall the way I had and just get over it in a couple of months. No, it would've been a year today.

It's crazy to think how things changed. I find myself just wanting to share moments again. I remember the little moments when we used to go to farmers markets and when he taught me how to drive. It's the little moments, like cooking a steak on the stove and wishing we had a grill. It never mattered really how the food came out, it was always delicious. It was the driving along, hand in hand, window open and hair flying everywhere. It was him wrapping a blanket around me on a long drive home because he knew I needed some sleep. I miss the little moments. I miss helping him pick out outfits or sharing a bag of chips, getting crumbs all over the bed.

But sadly, what I'm learning, is that you can't have everything. People change, situations change, everything does. It's like New England weather, changing all the time. I try to roll with the punches. I'm slowly moving on and changing myself. But none of it means it doesn't hurt. None of it means I don't miss him. One time, around November, we looked at each other and set a date in my phone for our one year anniversary. That date was going to be the happiest day of our lives.

I try and be strong. I do. I put on a strong face and push it all behind me. But today, I'm weak. Because it would've been a year today.

Refuse

Dear body,
   I refuse to get sick. I need to write a 10 page play, submit my Aerie poems and I have too much planned this weekend. I refuse to miss the autism walk or my date or riding Missy or the brother meeting. So body, bye bye blahness. I refuse.

Sincerely,
   a disgruntled poet who cannot afford this right now

Rain rain go away

Rain rain go away.
All I wanna do is curl up in my blanket
and sleep until forever.
Make some hot choco
and sleep until forever.
Rain rain no one wants you here.
You make us sleepy and blah
and cast a gloom over our eyes.
So rain rain, dear rain
go away and let me sleep forever.

Friday- Rebecca Black

Ok ok so some of you guys may murder me for posting this. BUT come on, it's Friday and it's raining and we could all use a laugh.

We Rise

Such a time comes in a young person's life
when suddenly the gray sky isn't important,
the sun may hide behind the clouds
or the humidity may fill the air, cause
you to swim through it. Rather, it is once
night falls that the tepid wind crawls
over the skin, prickles the hair on your arm.

You walk with your head high above your shoulders,
with the grace of a black crane, knowing
you are you, that every scar scattered into your skin
is only that, a mark. Those marks do not define you.
You choose to walk with your tail tucked,
head down, back slouched. But there are some of us
who do not settle or bow our heads in shame.

We stand tall, backs straight, a perfect balance.
We have been through more than our lives should,
but it is a higher power that knows we can do it.
We do not accept arrogance or naivety, we rise
above. Always pushing, always trying and always
standing together as one.

I've Just Seen a Face- Jim Sturgess

Had it been another day
I might have looked the other way
But I'd have never been aware
But as it is I'll dream of her tonight

Falling, yes I am falling
And she keeps calling me back again

I have never known the like of this
I've been alone and I have
Missed things and kept out of sight
For other girls we're never quite like this.

Falling, yes I am falling
And she keeps calling me back again.

My Extended Family

College is a home away from home, a place wrapped up in fun and work and fellowship. Friends make all the difference in one's life and when you have an extended family of them, it's even better. Some approach college as a way to simply get a degree or as one big party. The truth of the matter is that college has to be a mix.

College, with all of its ups and downs, hardships and fun, is a tough time and having an extended family makes a big difference in how your experience is going to go. I started out college ready to have a balance of friends and work, but I didn't know the meaning of an extended family.

Over my time at college, my closest friends have become my extended family (you know who you are. :) and trust me, I know because I know you read this blog.) However, it took me until this year to find the rest of my family. Now, dear follower, you may be very confused at this post and I feel I am rambling a bit. But here's the blunt out truth, I am as of this past Sunday, an official pledge for Alpha Phi Omega. I could not be happier.

APO is not directly attached to Greek Life so don't start going around "AHHH she joined a sorority!" APO is so different. Not only are we co-ed and have less dues, but we're really focused on community service and family.

Now the definition of family in this instance isn't just the metaphorical type. For those of you who don't know how APO runs, we are like a typical frat in the sense of bigs and littles, grandbigs and grandlittles included. So really when we say we're a big family, we are.

I love my Big. I may have only known him about 2 weeks now (ish) but we click and it's a good Big/Little combo. But my family isn't just him. My grandbig was just as excited to have me as a grandlittle as my Big was to have me as a Little. The whole frat is intertwined. (We figured out today I'm one girl's great great grandniece.)

We operate like a family, like a group. We all have our differences, but I know as I step out of my room in the morning with my pledge pin on exactly what I represent. I'm proud to say I'm an APO pledge and eventual Brother.

I found what was missing in my college experience and I'm so happy to have found it right before it was too late. <3 p="p">

Can't Stop Me Now by Afrojack and Shermanology

After a long Monday, seriously all I need is some good music. This week has already proven to be an insane one and I'm not sure what I'm getting myself into.

Wolf & I by Oh Land

It's amazing how one day a song could mean so much and then it seems like you blink and the meaning completely changes. It's not in a bad way. It's actually quite okay. It's just changed, that's all. My heart is somewhere I never expected it to be and I love it. 

Rink

"Love will come through it's just waiting for you."

It was the scene of a bad 70s movie. The rumpled streaked blue carpet,
the big bubble letters hanging on the walls. The back wall lined
with skates, four wheeled and leather, straight wheeled and plastic.
Mysterious shadow blanketing the back of the rank, the cracked
half walls, the polished wooden floor. I wheel up, snapping the closures
on my skates. Dressed to kill in the skinny yoga pants and off the shoulder
shirt, I fit right in. At first unsteady, but gaining balance and making my way
to the floor. Stepping on, holding onto the wall. But wait, I know this.

Beginning to make my way around the rink, one foot in front of the other,
gliding, freedom. I want to laugh with the delight of being in control.
Friend skates up, holding hands. We slide and glide along together,
having our girly fun. The lights begin to blink with the steady colors
of blue and green, red and yellow. The beat vibrates from the DJ.
Friend lets go, I'm on my own, traveling solo. But you cut in front,
slow down unknowingly. I have nowhere to go, trapped, I reach
for you. I go down flat on my ass, but you're there to help me up.

Smiling, there's something in our eyes, but gone in a blink.
We continue on in our solo way, tasting the sweet nectar of freedom
and power, control and speed. A crowd of our friends gather on the wall,
a picture. I try to stop, but run into the wall, the toes of my skates slamming.
You, already there, wrap an arm around my waist, safety. I do not crash
over the wall. You look into my eyes, there's something there, but I cannot
put my finger on it. I do not quite know. We continue on our solo way.
But it is not long before my solo run, gliding along the outer circle,
becomes a joint adventure as you skate next to me, dancing along,
just as in beat with me as you are with the music. You reach for my hand,
I place mine in yours. If there were not a ceiling above, sparks
would have flown. No longer is it a solo adventure, for I have you at my side.

Sparkle

So many things light up with the glint of the sun.
The river water shines, waves tumbling with a breeze.
A strand of hair glistens its coppery red.
Sunlight bounces off a mirror and I see me.

Tiny sparkles line my ears, three at the bottom,
mint and pearl and silver. Turning to the left,
a small glistening of a purple silver nestled
in the top crevice. But the mirror shows more.


I am covered in sparkles, from a pink snakeskin
dress to the black bow belt around my waist.
Even my shoes shine of gold in the light.
I am surrounded by sparkles and they are me.


The special sparkle lies deepest in me, an orb
centered in my eye. It's like the chocolate brown
has become a shining metal, brightening
and smiling with the heat of happiness.

Dear Stars

Hello stars, so far off in the distance,
sparkling so quietly in the sky while I sit
in this dew sprinkled grass. You watch
me, dear stars. I know you do as I contemplate
life down on the ground. I can feel the rocks
in my back, the ant mounds under my feet.

The clouds are beginning to block you, dear
stars. They rumble over your twinkle,
hiding you safely from the world. It's a good
thing, as you need to rest for a spell.
My curls spread out into the green blades,
wild and free, much like you, dear stars.

Dear stars, are you guarded by the moon?
Does the moonlight cascade over your light?
You must sparkle brighter when the moon
is behind the clouds and you are not.
But the full moon must hurt your eyes,
it lights up so, so bad for you, my star friends.

Take me with you, my dear stars.
Lift me from this dirt and into the sky, to fly
and blink with the light of a million years.
We can battle the moon together, circle
the planets, cheer on our shooting cousins.
Just you and I, my dear stars.

You had me at hello

All you need is love.

You had me at hello,
the second you ordered
the same chicken wrap,
your smile, the teasing
me that I enjoy killing
my Sims 3 through death
by pool. Both seniors,
knowing the nostalgia
and the stress, both hired
after we get that slip
of paper. Now, I just want
to cuddle with you, watch
Castle, Big Bang Theory,
Firefly. Play Skyrim,
the Sims, and all the games.

I want you to teach
me how to play pool
as you explain the physics
of the game to me.
Somehow, we got past
your love of Apple
and my chick flicks.
I don't mind having you
tap on my backpack
when you see me stroll
by, just for a hug because
you had me at hello.

Snakebite

Running through a maze,
purple walls, pink walls,
gray, black, concrete, dirt
underfoot. Miles in the sky,
hands outstretched, searching
for a door. A button,
a silent elevator. Chasing
down the black, an opening.

Giant swing, gears creaking,
back and forth, away and toward.
A hiss snaking up from the ground,
the sound of a sweet rattle shaking.
Slithering on the ground,
a chain of red. Hands grasp
wooden pole. Shaking, slicing
off the rattle. Giant leap,
swinging across. Solid.

Running, always running,
Another button,
silent elevator. Angry.
Pounding it into the wall,
the creak of another swing.
To the edge of solid floor,
toes barely safe, a purple chain
below, hissing, hissing.
Pole still in hand, trying to smash.
No luck.

Fall.

Black Rimmed

I used to look at the world through bare eyes,
naive like a child's teddy bear, naked and vulnerable,
an egg sitting unprotected on the edge of a cliff.
And that was ok, when I had you protecting me.
I could cower in the shadows, daily a masquerade.
But now, I have risen from the darkness.

I grew rims the color of midnight around my eyes,
saw the world for what it truly was, an eagle born
from the abandoned nest. I shook off the broken
shells and took flight. Now when you see me,
you run away, but I will not run from you,
I take flights, spreading magnificent wings.

I fly with a straight back, an air of predator,
but talons with the gentle nature of holding
the child's teddy bear. I have grown into myself,
stretched my neck, standing tall. Protector fled,
I am no longer a fragile egg sitting in the nest,
so look into these black rimmed eyes and weep.

Looking Back

Just this afternoon, I received an email from something called 10Q. Now, 10Q was a set of 10 questions I filled out over 10 days this time last year. It had everything from what I was in the past, to the present to what I was looking forward to in the future. And damn, have I changed.

The last few questions asked me about my passions, a person that I wanted to investigate more, how I would feel when I opened the questions again a year later, and my predictions for 2012. So many of those questions revolved around my now ex boyfriend. I had written about my desires to make him happy and to remind myself how awesome he was everyday. Needless to say, nothing's the same.

Life changes in ways you would never expect. Nothing you ever think is going to come true, comes true. Life just picks you up and drags you where it wishes. Now, this is not to say I'm unhappy with where I am now. Actually, it's quite the opposite. But it's like going back on Facebook to your old pictures from high school. They're memories, but memories that will not come around again. You have a touch of nostalgia and for what where there, but you realize and know the truth of the matter.

With the 2012 10Q coming up again in a few days, I'm going to be sure to answer them because quite honestly, I smile when I see how far I've come and what I've been able to accomplish.

The True Writer's Block

12 hours to figure out what I want to write a play about. Can't think of anything. Uh oh.

One More Night- Maroon 5

It's a long night in the office so music is the only savior. :) This song just makes me want to dance and smile.

Out of the Comfort

Senior year college. Those three words are more terrifying than anything I've ever heard. Well, terrifying and extremely exciting. As a senior, it's time to make my last mark on the university. In result, I've gotten out of my apartment and into the world just that much more. Besides being Managing Editor of the paper, I have also decided to pledge APO (a co-ed service frat) and have met some of the best people. I've met new friends and it's only the first week.

As a person that comes off as outgoing and sometimes intimidating, it can be tough for me. Sometimes, I just want to be by myself. However, stepping out of this comfort zone has been the best thing for me. I've started working out and running and now have an exercise group of fellow students that go on runs, play Wii Fit and just generally love bettering ourselves.

If I had stayed in my little comfort bubble, I would be miserable. Schoolwork just isn't enough in life. I learned last year about balance. I found that although I had the newspaper, school and a relationship, things were out of sync. So instead, I found my frat, found exercise and kept the whole work and school and newspaper part. It has been the best decision of my life.

I can say I am happy. I walk with a little pep in my step. I know that I will leave this university in the spring with a job (I'm already hired. WOOT less senior stress!) and having had a great time.

Revolution- Beatles

I don't know what it is about the Beatles lately. Between the Beatles and Fun, I've had the best constant playlist I've had in awhile. It's just got everything I need in it. This song in particular is just BAM I'm rocking this.

Elephant in the Room

There's an elephant sitting on my head,

pushing down with his ivory trunk into 

my heart, his big feet pouncing on my lungs.

I always thought too much and I guess

the elephant knew that so he tried to

squish it all in by sitting on me. 

A circus trick you know, supposed 

to be good for me. Nah, instead

it just squeezed the air out of me.

My heart began pumping for all

its might, fighting the elephant

in the room. No good.

My mind still wants to explode,

a bomb set off in Afghanistan. 

All I know is that I need air.

I can try to breathe, inhale

through my nose, exhale

through my nose, but no good.

Mr. Elephant wants to keep sitting.

He doesn't ask me. He doesn't approach.

Rather, he whispers in the darkness.

But I can't hear him, only the others.

He doesn't dare tell me to my face.

Rather, he is a cowardly elephant.

I don't like elephants that much.

The peanut shells get everywhere.

The tricks are so cliche.

I've seen it all, in circus after circus.

Everyone thinks they have something special.

But I never liked elephants that much.

Content Update

Hey followers! So this is the typical "Kaitlyn is back at college and things are crazy" post. Literally, things are already crazy. It took less than 24 hours of being back for it to already pour. However, the experience may be poem worthy as I was asleep and suddenly woke up soaked since my bed's against my window. But that's a story for another time.

With being back on campus comes a surge of work for my newspaper gig. Hence, content may be more infrequent. Come spring though, I will be taking advanced poetry and expect lots of content then! Until then, I hope you guys enjoy what I do get up.

Come on Cowboy

Come on cowboy, just for you,
I'll hike up these country skirts,
dance in the rain with me,
get a little wet, fill the brim
of our cowboy hats with rain.

Swing me around your arm,
the hay in our hair makes me smile.
Sling that saddle over your shoulder,
horn, ropes, leather and all,
click our boot heels together,
there you go making my heart beat.

Pull me right back in, a wild horse
needin' a home. I dare you, cowboy,
try and tame me. Just for you,
I'll slip on that mud pile
and bring you down with me.

Hold me quick, hold me tight,
we'll dance in the moonlight,
watch the stars take over the western
sky, come on cowboy,
this is just the beginning.

Hoofprints in the Horizon

It started off as a simple Friday, a day off, the summer sun peeking out from clouds,
fog rolling over the hills, playing hide and seek with the road as the car rumbled on.
A quickened breeze kissed the opening in the glass on my right, it hissed as the sky
brightened. I breathed, kicking my boots together, playing with the zippers,
folding and unfolding blue jean hems. Car stopped in a dusty driveway, a sudden
whiff of grass and horse manure flowing into the window. Breathing deeper, a smile.

Boots hit gravel and dirt, making their way down to the tiny brown barn as goats
spoke with each other, begging for a hand to pet their heads. Boot hits concrete,
a sharp whinny fills the air, my girl. The eyes smile as boots crunch down the row,
third stall on the left. She is there, poking her nose through the bars as far as the velvet
can fit through. A quiet laugh, the bolt clanks open. A hand down her soft neck,
sweat stricken in the summer heat. She knows why I'm here.

Leading her out, leather and hay takes over the air. Tripled buckets overturned,
the swing of a leg onto a hairy back. Human skin resting against the hair of a horse.
Walking, lumbering around the yard. Cheek rests against neck as she walks.
I know she won't leave me behind as she stops to munch on the rich green
blades below. As midday rolls around, so does my leg as I tumble off her back.

The snaked hose rolls out from its bundle, water turning from hot to cold
as it runs through my fingers and into the dirt making a mud pile to slink
down the hill.She nuzzles my shoulder, asking for the coolness of the water.
She shakes as it covers here, cascading water onto me. It does not matter,
I laugh. Bath over, I let her go after a simple kiss on the nose and a cookie to praise.

It is the last time the summer horizon will hit my boots in this barn.
Once that sky falls, it will be separation, the orange fighting with the black
of night and days, weeks until I see her again. But as she rolls in the dirt, legs
tumbling over each other, her back arching to reach just that last spot,
I know I will be back. I will always be back.

Black Bird- Beatles

If you're anything like me or had the night I had (which involved dropping my whole plate of food for dinner and ending up with multiple ceramic and glass cuts on my foot and toe), sometimes you just need something chill to listen to and relax. So, we go to Black Bird.

She was my idol

(Writing from a very different perspective tonight.)

She was my idol.
She danced like the stage was named after her.
She would never be caught dead with a pair of pointe shoes.
She moved like a rhythm plugging through her veins,
like she was attached to the club stereo as the lights flashed.

She was my idol.
She was 17 and dating 21.
She snuck out at night, she knew the bushes.
She blinked and the men fell at her feet.
She smiled and the room lit up like a lightning strike.

She was my idol.
She made friends with me even when I was years younger.
She was only human.
She would give you her last drop of water.
She would ask for help perfecting her makeup.

She was my idol.

Hey Jude- Beatles

It's just such a Beatles night had to leave my favorite here. (Thanks Tom, you know I'm looking at you.)

Vintage Bride

(I've got two completely different poems working here under the same overall theme. I kind of like the second stanza though.)

You can tell a lot by looking at a couple's wedding photos.
No matter what, each photo tells a story, an intricate web
of love and celebration and family. Every stitch of the lace
dress or the pant suit worn at the Justice of the Peace
is a reminder of the battle to get the in laws to agree
or the mixing of races, nationalities, cultures.

There was a woman, sitting in a frame, delicate lace
hanging in a sheath from her body, a wreath of white
roses crowning her dark hair. Black and white,
faded and wrinkled, the woman had a quiet pose
about her, a silent nod of happiness. Bright red lips,
porcelain skin, black eyes, she stood.

Reputation

It seems like such an abstract word
reputation.
who has it
how is it gained
how is it lost.
the truth is
reputation is controlled
you decide your fate
you decide if you will
spread rumors
gossip
lie
cheat.
only you decide if you are
scoundrel
slug
dirt
snake.
the truth is
it is inner morals
ability to forgive
and forget
your true intentions.

We are never ever getting back together- Taylor Swift

"I used to think that we were forever ever and I used to say 'never say never.' Well, we are never ever getting back together."

Taylor Swift's newest single. Gotta say, I do enjoy my Taylor sometimes.

Summer Childhood

I blink and summer has changed.

The sun lit mornings used to be

apple pancakes made by dad,

reading books in the grass,

swimming around in the pool.

Days meant giving the dog a bath

or having friends over to

cook smores over the fire in the backyard

or camp out in the 2 person tent,

running inside once it got too hot

or the thunder shook the tent.

Evenings were a family piled into a van

pajamas on, no shoes in sight,

driving to the local ice cream shop

to munch on cones and get yelled at

for dripping soft serve in the car.

Sometimes I wish everything could go back

to when it was simple. When boys had cooties

and there was no such thing as an income

or taxes. Summer meant the dread of going

back to school, not the excitement that work

was over. I want to take off my shoes,

run around the backyard and not have a care

because the world was mine. 

Summer's End

The sun's pale orange gaze blankets the sky,
the patio is confused, half lit with the sun's flame
and half into the darkness of the shadows. But I perch
in the middle of the grass, hands folded in my lap,
waiting and breathing, heart slowly beating as my lungs
breathe deep and slow. I am only human, as the breeze
lips by my hair, kissing my soft lips. The air smells
of coming fall, the leaves fighting against the coming
autumn. My steady heartbeat reminds me that I survived
a summer torn apart like the waves in the pool
as they lap the surface. No matter what, I had loved him,
but I now understood that it had to happen, the sun
had to set, night had to come, the stars have to take over
the midnight black. I lift my head because as everyone
knows, morning will come and I will still be smiling.

What i learned this summer

As i not only leave for school in ten days, I'm closing a door. This is my last summer as a college student. I learned a lot this summer. I learned about love. I went from thinking i had everything, that i found what true love was supposed to be to nothing. And i stepped up. At the beginning, yes i may have gone through a tower of tissues and spent nights crying alone into my pillowcase. But i stand stronger for what i have learned.

I would rather have loved and lost then never loved at all. I'd rather experience heartbreak than be naive. I would rather collect all the happy memories than keep a jar of pain. I got over it. I learned i could not always run and hide or avoid. I had to face straight up and be real. I learned i could run away, but I'd always have to cone back. I am a stronger person since May.

This summer in many ways cleansed me. Although it left me missing a friend, i stood tall. I learned more about me, both strengths and flaws.

I am not perfect and i never claimed to be. I am a klutz. I can get dependent. I am emotional. But i am also gorgeous. I am sexy. I am intelligent and i am tough. People love me for me.

I am not good at expressing myself through actions. I ramble too much when i speak. But the words that i write are always true and always come from the heart.

So maybe this summer i lost my best friend and i lost love. But i gained self acceptance and self assurance. I learned i enjoy company but i can also stand confident alone. I learned what everyone sets out in college to do. I learned me.

A dance is just as poetic

It's not many times that a dance can make me cry every time I watch it. This piece, which was So You Think You Can Dance's Kayla and Kupono dancing to a piece choreographed by Mia Michaels to Gravity by Sara Barellias makes me cry. Every. Single. Time. It's not just the dancers. It's not just the song. It's everything put together.

The piece, which is focused on the theme of addiction, is so much deeper and so poetic. That is why I post it here. Everything involved in this piece is poetic. And as I reach for my box of tissues, I understand this piece. I understand it on a dance level and a personal level. It still touches me the same way it did when I first saw it. Maybe even more now.

Price of Magic

Once upon a time, the fairest of the land learned a hard lesson.
She learned that everything comes at a steep cost, something
must be taken with her desires. Prince Charming would not
come with free shipping or guaranteed to be perfect. No,
life would not simply get better because she wished it so.

Coming upon a wizard, the fairest of the land asked the wizard
for a simple wish; to be free of the arranged marriage
her father had set out for her. The wizard told her that he could
do it, however, it would come at a price. Anything, she said,
begging. You will never find true love, the wizard told her.

Hating the man her father had arranged her to, the fairest agreed
to the wizard's demand and signed his contract. The wizard
snapped his fingers. It is done. Now go. The fairest,
so gleeful to be free, left the green forest to go back home.
Once arrived, everything was normal and there was no talk of marriage.

At first, the glee in the fairest's heart stuck around. She bounced
from room to room, went on rides whenever she wished,
ate whatever she'd like or dressed how she pleased. But after
her father died, the fairest grew lonely. No companion
could fill the void left in her heart as she sat, alone.

She tried to search out the wizard and plead with him
to take the wish back. But he simply shook his head,
what was done, was done. She had given up her chance
at true love. She aged, sitting on her gold throne with no one
beside her, head on her hands as she entered the light.

Slave to dreams

Oh dreams, mystical dreams
Full of trains and planes and cars,
Of a man i refuse to call master
And yet submit to cook and clean.
Those outside warn me that he
Will put a rifle to my head
But i see only a lonely soul,
Lost from the world, blood
Of his dead wife flashing in his eyes.

Oh dreams full of mazes, losing
My way, i do not fear you
As i do not cower to my master.
You can pat me down, dear security,
Look for my ticket to the world,
But you will not succeed.

Oh mystical dreams, you think
You have power over me, hold
An iron fist over my head, ready
To strike. But i hold something greater
That you, dreams, can only desire
And never hold. I can change reality.

Howl

Baby, I'm howlin' for you.
Watch that night sky
as the sun sets over the horizon

because once that moon
is high above on its throne,
I'll be here, howlin' for you.

Wrap your hand around my waist,
trace my jaw with your finger tips,
drown in the black tipped eyes

Baby, join me as I howl
just for you, praising the night.
We will be animals, roll over

the moss covered forest floor.
You'll pin me down, do what you please
but I'll still be howlin' for you.

The stars will S.O.S from overhead
as the sun gets ready for its grand
entrance, but I'll still be howlin' for you.

As the fog crawls into the forest,
hiding the moss, blanketing us,
we will howl for each other.

Take a Walk

Go take a walk, breathe in the country air,
don't worry about the wars or the politics
get away from other people, leave the curled
fists of stress behind. Pick a wildflower
as it perches in a nestle of leaves.

Lay on your back and look up into the sky
forming elephants, ice cream cones, flowers
in the clouds as they wander by. Make a wish
on the back of a dandelion as it floats away,
watching it as it tastes the sweet nectar of freedom
in the air. Splash in the river water as you dip
a toe into the chilly rapids.

Go take a walk, breathe in the country air.

Family

(There is a start here I'm going to play with in the future.)

It's more than just my mom and my dad and me
and my sister and brother, grandmother, uncles,
aunts, cousins. There is more to my family
than meets the eye. Some of them aren't
part blood or even the same nationality.

But together we form a circle, hands in hands,
bound together as one. There is the girl
I call my sister who knows more of the true
thoughts running through my mind than my own
brain cells. Distance doesn't matter, politics
are thrown out the window because we'll never
agree, but none of it matters when her and I
are side by side. It is not just her.

It is those that have only known me
for a little over two years. Who put up with
sharing a living space or go stargazing
under the sky. We climb trees, we walk
over the icy river. We party, we cry, we fight
but none of it matters when we're all together.

You know you have each other's backs
when we want to beat up ex significant others
for hurting one of us or emptying the tissue
box on one another's shoulder, when your
older "brother" decides to toss you down
a waterfall. We'll smirk, we'll laugh,
we'll play slap, but none of it matters
because they are my family.

She's So Mean- Matchbox Twenty

Dark Side

"Everybody's got a dark side Do you love me? Can you love mine? Nobody's a picture perfect But we're worth it You know that we're worth it Will you love me? Even with my dark side?"

Look into the flesh, beyond the skin, beyond those plush lips,

see what's really inside. Accept me for me because I'm not

changing. Don't try and morph me into your dollhouse.

I'm not one to be dressed up or altered or played games

with. Let my dark side shine, let me be me. 

I'm not always going to fall in love with the Ken doll 

or love the purple Jeep or the dream house. I don't 

like pink lipstick, I like a deep crimson red. My hair 

won't be perfect, won't be styled exactly straight, 

it will always have its wave. I'm not just going to walk 

around shopping or keeping my lips sealed. I'll talk 

politics, I'll layer on the eyeliner, I'll pull on my black 

Converse and dress like a hobo in yoga pants and cami. 

I'm not always going to model perfect or wear stiletto heels.  

I won't ever dye my hair blonde or act like a bimbo.

No, this girl means business, success and ambition.

Take it or leave it. Embrace my dark side

or leave me be. Life's too short 

for you to change me.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall- A reading

Escape: A reading

A reading of Escape.

A Monologue from a Lioness

Me reading my newest piece, a Monologue from a Lioness.

     

I have the power of a thousand, eyes that flash and tempt, paws with sharp claws. And only the best can tame me. I have watched them fail, time after time, not realizing how to lasso me around the neck. I have sat in wait, cautiously watching around me and playing with the toys they threw. Some entertained me for awhile. At one point, I found one very interesting and it kept my attention for many months, a snow globe sparkling in the light. But alas, the snow globe broke from the pressure of my paws. The flakes of snow fell all around me as I cried, the little snowman now without a home and without a winter wonderland circling around him. It was a good toy. I had loved my time with it, but it was gone and it was time to move on.
     That was when I found something else. It wasn't entirely new to me, I had glanced at it before. It didn't sparkle, but it had something about it. It wasn't a bone or a piece of meat. It wasn't a ball of yarn that would unravel the minute I began my play. No, it was hardier than that. It wasn't like the snow globe with its fragile outside and fate that could only be moved by others and not itself. Rather, it was a tiny screen and in front, a little controller. Just the right size for my paws, I turned it over and over in my hands before my claws sat on its buttons. It made sounds, it lit up, it played back. I smiled in my toothy lioness way. Maybe this one would stick around.
   As I played, he came up and sat at my side, not my back or in front of me. Not trying to be my servant, not afraid of me and not trying to control. No, he approached me as an equal and I respected that as he pulled out another controller from his pocket. I let him lean on me, stroke my fur as we sat, together as one.

A Lion in the Night

She stole my heart, a lion in the night.
She crept in the shadows, laying low
in the tall grass, waiting, those eyes
beaming in the moonlight.

She pounced, a lion in the night.
Her paws encircling me, but no flashing
claws. It was those dark rimmed eyes,
the long lashes batting in the moonlight.

She purred, a lion in the night.
She was the only one for me,
the only one I would obey those eyes,
bowing to her will in the moonlight.

She was my lion in the night.

Followers, time for a poetry party!

This morning, I passed my road test! For those of you who don't know, I've been working on this all summer and before and this is a huge step. I get my car (*cough* 2012/2013 Mazda 3) in May once I graduate. Therefore, there now must be a poetry party. I'm going to try and post a bunch of stuff tonight and tomorrow in between meals, work and runs so look forward to it! I may even post a gif or song or two. :)

Vogue

I don't hide in my makeup.
Rather, I outline the sexy
eyes, winging them with black
a careful line as they stare
you down, strutting the runway.

A soft stroke of a brush,
a gentle fog of gray blue,
popping the dark chocolate
irises. Two big sweeps
of mascara, seductively watching.

The bright red of vintage America
kisses my plush lips, inviting
your lips to meet mine or watch
as I dip a strawberry into luscious
chocolate. I am ready for you,
come get me if you dare.

Shower

Stepping into the white box,
drawing the curtain closed
turning the dial somewhere
between hot and cold,
letting the splash cover every
inch of sweat soaked skin.

The dark hair turns black
as it runs down a porcelain
back. Sitting at the bottom
of that white box, eyes closed,
feeling the drips of water.

Nothing else matters as the mind
dumps its load into the drain
as the water drops carry it
through the floor and into the whirlpool.

Down the drain goes heartbreak,
toxic thoughts, the scars slowly
leaving the skin as the ice water
forces itself on the body, cleansing.

Curling up in a ball at the bottom
of the shower, head on knees
trying to understand, finally rising
renewed, a sense of calm,
cleaned.

Desk Worn

You know it's been a long day when
the words start blurring on your screen,
when lizards begin to make sense,
when the phone rings and you throw
it against a wall because it's been all meetings
all day, every hour, every minute,
when a 4:30 run makes sense in summer
humidity, when 1.5 divided by 2
becomes 2/3 instead of 3/4.

You know it's a Wednesday when
you're glad Monday's over
but Friday won't come faster
and it's not a pay week,
when everyone wants to talk to you
or have you on their conference call.

You know it's time to call today quits
when there's no energy to dance.

Happy National Dance Day!

Just wanted to wish all you guys a happy National Dance Day! This girl has the following playlist keyed up for an amazing night:

Numb by Oh Land
Bangarang by Skillrex
Hands in the Air by Timbaland
Chasing the Sun by The Wanted
Some Nights by Fun
Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men
Out of my Mind by B.o.B. (gotta have some good hip hop in here.)
Heavy Eyes by Oh Land

and lots more of Fun.

So get moving, get dancing and goof around! Stretch, work on those splits, do whatever and just celebrate!

National Dance Day > Olympics

Numb- Oh Land

Note to myself to do choreography on this at some point. It fits my dance style so well.

That Summer

Before that summer, I had cried buckets,

he had broken my heart, left me scattered.

That first week of freedom in May

was frost heaves swallowing up a road

only to find a sinkhole waiting at the end.

During that summer, I stumbled,

fighting for footing. Little did I know

that summer, I would find the power

to put left in front of right, push

harder and just keep running.

The end of that summer, I played

on top of a cloud, swimming in the fluffy

whiteness of poof. I had achieved

three jobs and one, all set to hire.

I would not be holding a sign on the

side of the road after that summer.

No, I had stepped up to a managing

job of a corporation. The CEO

knew my name. This girl was ready.

For that summer, everything sparkled in sight.

The White Lady of the Easton Church

I sit, looming, waiting with my red eyes
to play games on the visitors. A smokey hand
laid silently over the top of the marble headstone.
Fallen strands of black hair swaying as footsteps
march in the snow. The crunch of ice, they jump
and I laugh.
Slinking through the winter's chill, crawling
up behind them. A fingernail dipped in crimson
rests on a blue coated shoulder. They know nothing
of the true horror in death.

Some say I drowned in a sinkhole. Others claim 
I died after killing my husband. No. It was much 
more horrible than that. A foggy figure rises
from the oldest headstone. I raise a slender
blood dripped finger to the garnet lips,
red eyes meeting red eyes. A wicked smile,
curling at the corners of bloody lips. They snap
photos, those naive fools. The bluecoat turns,
realizes and feels the chill of my wrath. 
I breathe in the life, oh the flesh, tormented 
eyes wide, he is a statue standing so low
to my magnificence. Finally they realize
and I laugh.
Floating back to my stone as I watch
the weaklings scatter like mice from a bomb.

(Note about the poem. I'm not sure about the end, but I like the creepiness this is going toward. This is actually inspired by the song The Here and After by Jun Miyake.)

Stuck Like Glue- Sugarland

I'm totally in another one of my country moods.

Escape

Breaking through the fog, feet pad the dirt underneath
dodging roots, leaping over fallen logs, flying,
not noticing even the patches of sand where my foot
sinks into the ground, nor caring as the river rapids
rush by side by side. I do not race the river.

It starts at a slow pace, a quiet jog, but then kicking
in, a burst of need to get away from what's behind.
I used to walk this path with you. We had kissed
while walking along the riverbank. But now, I am queen.
The newly muscled legs taking the slopes and ditches
in stride, the freedom contagious. I never thought
I'd be able to face this place again. But it has become

mine. I have left behind the us, hesitant and worried,
and tried to replace it with the power rippling
under crafting abs, the forming biceps, quads of steel.
I don't yet know the power of this new me, this new self
that is able to run through the branches, duck under trees.
But I want to try. I want to know me.

Some Nights- Fun.

The only question I think I need to pose before this clip is: What do you stand for?

Bangarang

I blame Adam for the Skillex addiction. That is all.

History Book

Leather bond, sides torn, the pages are stained
with the coffee you used to make. The engraving
rises to the surface, taught a lesson by dirt.
Inside, it crinkles, once crisp. I flip through the book
remembering all the history that lies in its inner
depths, under the flesh of ink. Chapter One,
two, three, each year of life recorded with a delicate
quill. But then, chapter 19. I run my fingertips
down the middle, sharp edges of torn papers
run in a wave down the pages. The end of chapter 19,
the beginning of 20, has been ripped out. Flipping,
the middle of chapter 20 sits blank as I pick up
my pen and take a deep breathe, beginning to write,
as the end of chapter 20 and on appears on the page.
Job.
Job.
Run.
Job.
Swim.
Celebrity.
Run.
Job.
The words keep repeating, forming a pattern of ink
down the page. Am I really that boring? Head buried
in hands, thinking, pondering as the words flow
out of my brain. Etched not in a fragile calligraphy,
but a confident scroll. Continuing to write as chapter 20
just keeps plowing on. The book, I turn over in my hands,
feeling the aged leather. Reaching over, I grab new leather
edged with gold, replace the worn leather, tossing it
in the trash. This history book is renewed.