The mind does amazing things. It controls our muscles, our bodies, our dreams. But one has to question then what the role of the heart is. For centuries, humans have believed the heart to be amazing. I mean, it does keep us alive. But what about the emotional connection we put to the heart? Does the heart really have a say? One of my favorite lines in Princess Diaries 2 (yes i know, corny) is the "heart does things for reasons that reason will never understand." For some reason (no pun intended) I think I will never understand my heart. It pulls and tugs me in ways that I will never get. I know when things aren't good for me. I should know when things are over and a chapter in the book has closed (or the entire book and not just a chapter.) Rather, my heart has no stopping point.
It has a lot to do with how I live my life I guess. I never give up. I don't ever want to close a book entirely and even struggle and pull at the pages of some chapters. I fight. I don't like change all the time. Yeah, some of it is good and I'll admit it later on, but it doesn't mean I have to face it now. This gets me in trouble a bit. (ok maybe a lot.) You would think that as smart of a mind as I have, my heart would be a little nicer. But it's not. I thought I had it all. I thought I had finally figured out what my heart wanted. I figured out my heart and not my mind. My mind knew that book was closing. My heart just fought it. My heart didn't count on someone not feeling the same.
So now I'm back at square one. I'm back at not understanding my mind or my heart. I'm back onto letting my mind run free at night and do as it pleases. I need to get this stuff reined in. I am working on it. It's amazing how therapeutic simply bonding with an animal and how awesome a chance to just sit in a field (dirt, mud, bugs and all) is. I'm strong. I will figure this out. It's just a whole new book that I'm just gathering up the strength to open up the cover.
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