An Old Trap

(a pantoum)

Why don’t you love me?
I toss and turn, throwing blankets
my mind stuffed full of what ifs
scenarios of how things could be different.

I toss and turn, throwing blankets
but the dark peace of sleep never comes
scenarios of how things could be different
acted out on the stage that is my eyelids.

But the dark peace of sleep never comes,
Instead you haunt my dreams with your face
Showing up on the stage that is my eyelids
Voice saying, No. No it can’t be.

Instead you haunt my dreams
my mind stuffed full of what ifs,
your voice saying, No. Well maybe it can be.
But I do not love you anymore.